Invisible Galaxy Blog

Economic Plan: Chocolate Standard

Posted by planetzero on 2012-07-30 14:31:56 MDT

Propaganda Minister By just call me P-Min

Since my last position statement I had to sack my entire staff. I was real sorry about it but it's necessary to give people the sack every once in a while. English is about my 50th language so I need help in expressing myself precisely. Sometimes with spelling and grammar too. I hope my new staff helps me to sound a little more entertaining. If it doesn't work out, I'll sack the new staff too.

Even with a long term goal of implementing the Star Trek economic model, we will still need to have currency. This is especially true in areas of international and interstellar trade. Currently all currencies on Earth have no backing. They only exist as pieces of paper or digits in a spreadsheet. It only works because everyone believes that these things reperesent value.  Historically many currencies were backed by precious metals but the problem with that is that on planets outside this solar system and galaxy those metals may not be very percious, possibly worthless in some cases.

Chocolate StandardSo we need to back our currency with something that is unique to Earth and will have value everywhere. The answer is chocolate backed currency. We have to have a standard so not just any chocolate will do. Newman's Own Organics Super Dark Chocolate 70% cocoa will back our newly issued Chocolate Certificates.

Expert taste testers will ensure that none of the chocolate we will store in Fort Knox will be sub-standard. Other types of chocolate may be used in trade but they will have a lesser value. Obviously, peanut butter cups will be worth less than straight chocolate bars and all lesser chocolate bars will be valued as being worth a percentage of the standard.  Any other premium bars with higher than 70% cocoa content will be valued the same as the standard.

The lowest denomination Chocolate Certificate will have a value of 1 bar. We will aslo issue coinage for values below 1 bar. These will also be backed by chocolate. So as long as you have chocolate with you or have it available on deposit somewhere, you can not only travel the world but also the entire universe. This will give the United States a great advantage over other countries until everyone decides to adopt the chocolate standard. This will yield great benefits in our international trade balances.

My previous position statement on campaign finance reform has given me a big boost in the new polls. However, there is still a long, long way to go.

Voter Poll 2

Well this was another hard day with our noses to the grindstones so it's time to go back to the ballroom of our Martian Facility for some more entertainment. Today we welcome our first human act. It took quite an effort to get all their stuff here but I think it will be worth it.

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Videos in this episode (no longer available) on YouTube:

Brian Setzer Orchestra - My Baby Only Cares For Me - Montreal Jazz Festival - June 1995 - on YouTube

Brian Setzer Orchestra - This Cat's On A Hot Tin Roof - Christmas Extravaganza - Los Angeles - Dec 2004 - on YouTube

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Amelia Earhart Found Alive

Posted by planetzero on 2012-07-24 13:39:35 MDT

Elvis By Elvis

We were heading to Earth, almost into the solar system, when we ran into a mysterious woman flying a Lockheed Electra from the 1930's. She identifies herself as Amelia Earhart but I'm not convinced yet. We're just sitting out here until I get this thing figured out.

Elvis"Sarge, how do know her call sign?"



 Sgt. Saunders in his Goa'uld ship"I was following Amelia Earhart's flight on my radio. She disappeared approaching Howland Island in the Pacific on July 2, 1937."



Elvis"Capt. Earhart, you're disappeared. How can you be out here flying around the solar system?"



 Amelia Earhart in her Lockheed Electra"Capt. Elvis, I might have disappeared for a while but I've been back for a long time. We were approaching Howland when we entered a temporal vortex. We were transported through several wormholes and ended up in another galaxy."


I should have known something like this would come up. This kind of mumbo jumbo always gives me brain damage. So she ran into some friendly aliens and they fixed up her airplane and eventually sent her back. They appeared as humans, even as people she and Noonan knew. She says her parents were there too. She doesn't know how much time passed in that galaxy but she thinks it was probably years. When they sent her back it turned out that she had only been gone a few seconds.  Noonan stayed there so she's been traveling alone since she got back to her home solar system.

Astro Girl"I've been scanning her and I read her as human. The plane appears to be old but it's very advanced inside. She's capable of faster than light travel. Weapons too but they're not powered up."


Smitty"I've heard part of this story before. I had a movie like that in my queue from Netflix before we left Planet Zero. That girl from Taxi Driver was in it. You think she got it from a movie?"


Elvis"Smitty, I haven't seen that one. Ok, for now we'll go along with her. Capt. Earhart, so you're ready to go home, why now?"



 Amelia Earhart in her Lockheed Electra"I've been all the way around and I've found a lot of cool stuff nobody knows about. There's a 9th planet, with 5 moons. I haven't decided on a name for it yet."



 Sgt. Saunders in his Goa'uld ship"Capt. Earhart, the 9th planet was discovered in 1930. It's Pluto."



Astro Girl"Before 1930 there were 8, then there were 9 until 2006. Now there are only 8 again. They say Pluto hasn't cleared it's neighborhood so it can't be a planet."



 Amelia Earhart in her Lockheed Electra"I've seen it up close. It's cleared the neighborhood so maybe I can get it called a planet again. I won't give up on it and I still want to name it."




Elvis"Capt. Earhart, I think that all depends on when you go back. Sounds like you're in your future and I know we're in our past. How are we gonna resolve this problem with what time we're in?"


She says she knows a way to change her timeline. We need to do that too so maybe we'll follow her back to Earth. All we need's a strong heart and nerves of steel.

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P-Min Position Statement: Campaign Finance Reform

Posted by planetzero on 2012-07-19 17:18:58 MDT

Propaganda Minister By just call me P-Min

There's one little thing I want to address first. Luke Skywalker recently told the press that Mitt Romney is not actually human. If you recall, in a previous article I gave hints on spotting extraterrestrials. I have not noticed Mr. Romney exhibiting any of these chatacteristics. It's always possible that he's a very advanced type of android but I believe he is actually human.

Ok, I'm new to this campaign thing so I have to keep it simple. Candidates, including me, need money. So I have to persuade people to give me money so I can spend it on my campaign. Then most candidates will spend a lot of that money on advertising. This is very profitable for the folks in the media chain. Nothing wrong with that but I think I have a better idea. What if I take the money that would be normally spent on advertising and give it straight to the voters instead.

The whole thing seems overly complicated to me. I develop positions on a variety of issues. The positions are designed to appeal to a specific demographic of potential voters. The greatest type of appeal involves giving them some type of financial benefit if I'm elected, either directly or indirectly. I may be naive but this seems inefficient to me. Wouldn't it be simpler to just pay the voters to vote for me? Sure it would.

It wouldn't really change much. The candidate who can spend the most money on advertising will usually win. So it follows that the candidate who can pay more for votes will usually win. Therefore no matter how a candidate spends his campaign money, the candidate who raises more money will probably win either way.

Folks, here's my promise to you. No matter what policies the other candidates say they will pursue that would benefit you if elected, I will pay you more. Cash on the barrel, a bird in the hand, money in your pocket. Spend it however you want - eating healthy food, hiring transvestite prostitutes, whatever you like. No need to fill in time consuming forms and waiting in line, just cold hard cash.

So how am I doing in the polls so far? I seem to have a small base of supporters already but there's a long way to go and I bet I'll be picking up momentum soon.

Voter Poll 1

Whew! My staffers and I put in a lot of work on this position statement and we're ready for some R&R. Everybody's heading to the main ballroom of our Martian facility. The first thing I want to show them is this transmission we picked up from I figure I'll be moving in there in about 6 months and I want them to see what it looks like. I know my decorators will have some ideas on changing it around.


Then it was time to kick off the Martian portion of the entertainment.


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Videos in this episode:

Aimee Mann - Save Me - At the White House - May 2011- on YouTube

Bjork - Earth Intruders - Live in Paris - 2009 - on YouTube

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Elvis in Limbo

Posted by planetzero on 2012-07-11 14:47:10 MDT

Elvis By Elvis

Wow, I don't know where to start. We had a lot of damage from our attack on Gliese 581g, including our communications, so you haven't heard from me for a while. Then, once our comms were working, we found that we needed a new data plan. Seems we exceeded the unlimited limits.

The ship is in decent condition to fly but we can't make it back home to Planet Zero. Astro thinks we can make it to Earth so we're headed there. We're still stuck in the past and we need to take care of that pretty soon. If we can determine exactly what Earth year we're in,  it would be a big help. Right now we're just about at the edge of Earth's solar system. Sgt. Saunders and his Goa'uld ship are still with us. I promised to take him back to Earth after our attack on Gliese and I like to keep my promises.

 Sgt. Saunders in his Goa'uld ship"Capt. Elvis, we've got a contact. About 100k clicks out."



Elvis"Smitty, you got it?"



Smitty"I've got it too, it's up on the big TV."



Lockheed Electra 10E

Astro Girl"I've got it identified - Lockheed Electra 10E. Origin Earth 1930's. Force field up, death ray is charging."



Smitty"She's on the radio - 3105 kilocycles, call sign KHAQQ. She says she's on the line for our position. I've got visual, she's up on the screen."



 Sgt. Saunders in his Goa'uld ship"Capt. Elvis, I've been monitoring her transmission. I know that call sign. I don't think she's hostile. "



Elvis"King Howell Abel Queen Queen, this is Capt. Elvis on the Polaris. What are you doing out here?"



 Amelia Earhart in her Lockheed Electra"This is Capt. Earhart. I should ask you what you're doing out here. I've been on a solo flight around the solar system. I'm just about done and I'll be heading back home soon - to Earth. "



Well this is about the craziest thing I've seen since we ran into Santa Claus in the 11th dimension. I have to admit, it's been kinda calm on my little ship lately. Looks like I'll have to get used to nutty stuff happening all the time again. I can't quite figure this. Is she a dream or is she an angel? Or is she really a woman? From Earth?

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P-Min Announces Presidential Candidacy

Posted by planetzero on 2012-07-10 12:03:08 MDT

Propaganda Minister By just call me P-Min

I've been very sorry to see that the presidential candidates of the United States on Earth don't seem to have the answers to the great challenges facing their country. There's an old American proverb - if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself - or something like that. So in order to get that country back on the right track, I'm now announcing my candidacy for President of the United States.

I know what you're thinking. How can some guy from outer space be qualified to run for office in America? I assure you I am qualified. I have thousands of years more experience than the current candidates. I was actually born there, a long, long time ago. My parents were visiting your country before even the time of the First People. In effect, we were the real First People.

I am currently on my way to our facility on Mars. I'm planning to hold my own convention there. Many of my constituents from America have been invited and we will be addressing all the issues of the day and will provide concrete solutions that everybody can count on.

I can say with confidence that I know how to fix the economy. I plan to use the Star Trek economic model. Everybody can do whatever they want and will be provided with everything they need. If you have questions about how it will work, just watch some episodes of Star Trek (preferably 2nd Generation) and assure yourselves that your country will be just like that.

I know you're thinking, "But P-Min, how are you going to do that?" I will outline the details of my plan over the next few months. I will also be dealing with social issues and I know we can get America all straightened out.

My constituents and I have a lot of hard work to do on Mars. Hard work and no play is no fun so we're also planning an entertainment extravaganza at our Martian facility. Among the well known entertainers on Earth are many, many visitors from all over the universe. I always smile when I see a movie or a TV show with humans dressed up as alien entertainers. Why bother to go to all that trouble when there are already plenty of genuine aliens in the entertainment business?

I have invited many of them, and even a few humans, to come to Mars and join my convention. As you can see, I've already received messages that some are already on the way.



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Videos in this episode:

Lene Lovich - Blue Hotel - 1982 on YouTube

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